Ok, you know what I really can’t stand???? Running zombies. Yep, I said it. You’re thinking it, I said it. Running zombies. You all remember the classic zombie flick by George Romero: “Night of the Living Dead,” right? Ok, for those of you that have no life let me explain. Something happens, who knows? Contaminated space dust from Venus, government experiment gone wrong, evil Chinese plot. Who cares? The important thing is that dead bodies reanimate and begin feasting on living human flesh. Of course, if you get bitten by a zombie and somehow escape being devoured you’ll just die of the infection and, yep you guessed it, become a shambling, roaming, hungry zombie yourself. This is their strength: as the numbers of survivors shrinks the number of zombies grow. Now, of course, any monster also has a weakness to offset the strength they may possess. After all, you could always stop a werewolf attack by shooting it with a silver bullet. You can turn a vampire with holy water or garlic (mmmm…) You can eliminate a Frankenstein-style monster with an angry German peasant mob (Hmmm, weakness and strength in one???) So, the weakness that you can exploit if attacked by a ravenous zombie horde is their slowness. They stumble along like a drunken sailor after blowing his entire paycheck on a 48 hour pass in Bangkok. But I’m telling you, this new crop of zombie movies that have these ghouls running around and sometimes crawling on walls & ceilings (what’s that about?) is crap. I mean, I’m looking forward to the zombie apocalypse as much as any well-armed American but if this is what we have to look forward to then you can scrap my plans for the neighborhood Costco & just leave me with one bullet & a bottle of vodka. Harrumph…
No comments:
Post a Comment