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| Dang, they just didn't build enough of these!!! |
So, I would like to make an announcement…a very important announcement. In fact, I just might have to send this Harrumph to the White House & Congress…yes, that’s how important this is. Through careful study & the use of geometric logic I have discovered the root cause of everything that’s wrong on the planet. You could even call this the “String Theory” of wrongness. Everything from nuclear proliferation to nail fungus can be attributed to one horribly wrong monstrosity of nature. It’s not anything that you, as the normal observer, can see with your eyes, which are blinded by the light of your own prejudices. Now, that’s not your fault of course…being ordinary I mean…actually, extraordinarily ordinary. After all, “average” people (of which you find yourself a very small part) haven’t studied the relationship of string theory, geometric logic and openness of mind which I have perfected (*sniff.*) Anyway, if you are able, through various disciplines, to open your mind and appreciate the facts around you, you too will discover it’s not money that’s the root of all evil. It’s not politics that has polluted the minds of the citizenry. It’s not even that crummy Alex Trebek that’s turned the world upside down & backwards… it’s the French. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe. I can hear you now: “But the French saved us during the revolution!” Did they? Really...did German mercenaries help the British win the war? No. Think about it. If Germans couldn’t help the British it’s laughable to think that the French helped us (Guffaw!) I can prove beyond the shadow of a doubt, the French are what’s wrong with this world. Ok, how about this: they eat snails. Eww…who in their right mind would eat snails? Slimy, gross, squishy snails. They even eat frogs’ legs…how was that decision made back in the day? Louis XVI sitting around one day, sees a frog hop by out in the garden of Versailles & viola! Gotta have those legs. Probably just threw out the rest of the frog…ya, the original natural resource wasters. Oh ya, it’s most likely the French that first made the Russians eat caviar. Eww, fish eggs? Slimy, gross, squishy…yep, must’ve been a French invention. Check it out; the French couldn’t even conquer the world. Back in the 1800’s they had the best Emperor, the best generals, the best position (on the map, I mean) and the best tactics. And what stops them? A couple of feet of snow in Russia. Jeeze, what a bunch of losers. Let’s not even talk about World War II. Heck, back in 1940 their soldiers were outfitted with 10 rounds of ammo and a white flag. They were probably issued tourist maps of Paris written in german so that they would have something to hand out to a real army as it rolled by in their tanks. Ugg, the French. Let’s face it, The French are just plain wrong…some unsuccessful experiment…a joke played on us through an evil Chinese scheme to distract our attention. Go ahead, add it up! The English don’t like the French. The French ruined Canada by injecting their “frenchness” into that society. Obviously, the Germans don’t like the French (however, they don’t like most people so take that for what it is.) The Russians don’t like the French for making them eat fish eggs (probably explains why they drink so much vodka too!) The Spanish, the Italians, The Luxombergundians don’t like the French. Heck, even the French don’t like the French! It’s high time we did something about this. Now, I’m not talking about nuclear carpet-bombing of France mind you…after all, that should be reserved for Red China. What I suggest is a bit more…well, inventive. The U.S. & Russia are set to dismantle a whole bunch of missiles when this new nuclear weapons treaty goes into effect. What are we gonna do with all those empty missiles (probably mildly radioactive) that we’re gonna have lying around? My solution: Cram as many Frenchies into those empty tubes and fire ‘em at the sun! In this case two wrongs will make a right! Le Harrumph…
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