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| Boxing champion or punching bag? I can take this guy! |
So I was talking to a friend of mine at work the other day. She said she was thinking of going to the zoo because they had a new baby gorilla & it was probably cute & blah, blah, blah. It was right then that it hit me. It was as if one of those old style light bulbs lit up above my head like in the cartoons. I had the solution to a million…no, a billion…no, a trillion problems facing our country right now. Yes, I alone possessed the solution to the gigantic government debt problem facing us: Bread & Circuses. Yes, the old Roman Empire had it right, when you’ve got problems facing your people, give them bread & circuses. Well, why can’t we do that nowadays…except better! Of course, we don’t need to use circuses to distract the populace like the Roman emperors did, that’s what we’ve got Las Vegas for. What I’m proposing is a money making scheme. Everywhere you go you hear about governments from cities & counties all the way up to the feds needing money. Well, here’s the way to financial freedom. Why doesn’t the government run it’s own circuses? Now, I’m not talking about those cheesy traveling circuses with evil clowns, Chinese acrobats (plotting the downfall of western civilization while they travel around, no doubt) & depressed elephants just waiting to go berserk. No, nothing like that. Here’s where the cute baby gorilla comes in. Every city has a zoo & every zoo has new babies every once in a while. Well, how much would you pay to see a boxing match between a citizen and a baby gorilla? Better yet, how much would you pay to actually box a baby gorilla? I mean, come on, how cool would that be? Sittin’ around a table playing poker with your buds & they’re throwing out things like “caught a 10 pound catfish last weekend…” “Shot me a 6 pointer buck this year…” ‘n stuff like that. Then comes the next line: “So what’d you do last weekend, Joe?” Answer: “I punched me a gorilla right in the face.” Trump card played gentlemen, game over. This could make millions for the government. It could become so big that celebrities & famous athletes would want to step in the ring, all promoted by Don King, if he’s still alive. Maybe even put it on TV! As long as that smarmy Alex Trebek doesn’t host the show, I’ll watch it! And the cool thing about this is that you could use almost any animal: baby giraffes, kangaroos (no wait, that’s been done before,) maybe baby elephants. And the best part is…they work for peanuts. Ok, now don’t start off with the “How could you, baby animals? How cruel!” blah, blah, blah. They’re animals…wild animals. Have you ever seen Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom? No? How about “The Lion King?” Talk about animal cruelty! Those guys are eating each other, not just taking an uppercut to the jaw. I think a baby gorilla can handle it. Besides, if you went & boxed an adult gorilla he’d rip your head off in the first few seconds, so nobody’s gonna want to step in and do that (hmmm, except maybe drugged up street bums & hobos…get them all hopped up on ripple or thunderbird & toss ‘em into the gorilla pen! Hey, maybe we can solve two problems at once here!) Harrumph…
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