So, I’m sitting here on Sunday…Mother’s Day…just enjoying some quiet time with my favorite person…the mother of my kids…the one and only Mrs. Harrumph…when all of a sudden it struck me. It struck me like I was shot…like I was shot with a diamond…a diamond bullet right through my forehead. I hadn’t written the Harrumph file for this week! *Sigh* I hadn’t even thought about it! Usually, by Friday I’ve mulled over that week’s topic and already had it about 75% organized in my mind. By Sunday afternoon I’ve written the next-to-final copy (I always go over it one last time right before it’s posted Monday morning) and am able to enjoy blowing away my friends on Battlefield 2 with a clear conscience. Wha??? Perhaps no BF2 today??? Unheard of!! Well, here I was, two days behind and sitting at zero. I mean, really, why do I put myself through this week after week? I don’t have the time to mow the lawn much less devote hours each week blathering away for the entertainment of cyber people who don’t even bother to leave comments on the discussion boards. Maybe I have finally hit that point that bloggers worldwide dread? The point of no return when you run out of ideas to share? No, I’ve still got plenty to say on a variety of subjects from naked hand puppets to Gamma rays to…yes, the ever-present Canadians and evil Red Chinese lurking in the closet. So what’s really in it for me? It’s not like I’m getting paid huge sums of money…come to think of it I’m not getting paid any sums of money to write it. I write the Harrumph File simply to give those of you out there that feel you have no voice a sense that you are not alone. You’re not the only person to look at something and say “WTF?” You are surrounded by fellow silent Harrumphians wherever you go. I know it and now you know it because I have verified it for you. I will accept the criticism from non-Harrumphians (who don’t really know the truth, anyway) that’s meant for you. I will be your lightning rod so that you may feel safe in your thoughts. When “they” come for me I will not rat you out. So yes, this is my gift to you, the reader. Those of you who have enjoyed your weekend going to movies or hiking the great outdoors. You have the luxury of time…something I have given to you so that you don’t have to spend your life thinking about the latest Red Chinese mind control plot to use that smarmy Alex Trebek and subliminal messages on “Jeopardy” to brainwash you into subordinating yourself to the vast robot conspiracy while singing “Surfin’ Bird” in French and looking for non-existent penguins while wearing a sock monkey costume in Canada…I will stand guard over this grand republic of ours just as the great Adam West did in the 60’s (albeit without a cool batman costume like he had) so that you may twitter away without a care. I will watch for the telltale signs of enemy bombers coming over the North Pole so that you may enjoy a ball game. Feel free to take in a movie or Broadway show for I will alert you like the air-raid sirens of old times. I will let you know when to “duck & cover” as dependably as “Bert” the turtle first did in the 50’s. I will be your civil defense so that you may continue to enjoy life. Sing songs of happiness. Picnic at the neighborhood park with no fear for I will direct you to the nearest public shelter, if needed. Travel, fly airplanes, take trips to distant lands for The Harrumph Files are on guard!!! PLEASE STAND BY…THIS IS NO DRILL…Harrumph…
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