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| Some workplace witches are easy to spot. |
I’m sure you remember the subject of this week’s harrumph from your childhood just as I do. Witches have been with us forever, it seems. People have had to deal with them from the earliest days of civilization right up to today, the so-called “computer age.” You think they would’ve gone the way of the Dodo bird by now but, curiously, they seem to have made somewhat of a comeback recently. However, there are some differences between the witches of our childhood night terrors and the creatures wandering around the workplace or the mall today. First of all, contemporary witches don’t melt when you throw water on them, not even holy water…believe me, I know that one. And, I challenge you to uncover modern witches by proving that they weigh the same as a duck as they used to do back in King Arthur’s day…man, that’s a tough one in today’s PC environment…sneaky witches. They also don’t seem too fond of wearing the traditional garb nowadays. You know, an all black cloak, black, pointy hat and black cape (Usually accompanied by all green face make-up.) Yep, as tricky as an evil Chinese plot, these new witches are (and you know how tricky those commie Chinese are!) They sure seem to be going out of their way so that you won’t notice them. Haven’t seen them? Don’t know what I’m talking about? Well, I’ve told you before that I would warn you of danger & here it is. Right here, in our workplaces, in our schools, in our shopping areas…they’re there. You must be diligent. You must hone your skills of observation. You must be open-minded if you are to protect yourself & your loved ones from the danger of the modern witch. There are some things you can do to minimize the peril and, of course I will share these with you. If, one of your acquaintances has a habit of arriving & departing in a puff of fire & red smoke, avoid that person…obviously a witch. If they live in a house made of gingerbread instead of the traditional wood & masonry, stop going to book club there. If your “friend” keeps complimenting you on your shoes…eventually asking you to borrow them, you’d better “unfriend” them in Facebook right away. And, perhaps this is the most frightening of the tell-tales signs of a witch. The cackle. Yes, you’ve heard it. Think back, maybe Halloween when you were 6 or 7 years old, maybe the first time you saw “The Wizard of Oz.” THAT cackle. Yep, even after thousands of years those sneaky witches can’t disguise it. Listen, you’ll hear it. Maybe over by the coffee pot or coming out of the copier room. If you know what’s good for you you’ll stay away. Really, nothing good will come of trying to expose today’s workplace witch on your own. About all you’ll end up with is a squadron of flying monkeys attacking you on your commute home *shiver.* Oh man…bad memories. But you know what ticks me off even more than those “closeted” witches out there, hiding in the shadows just waiting for the world-conquering “go” signal from that smarmy Alex Trebeck? Yep, it’s the ones that know you know who they are…and just don’t care. They leave their cauldrons burning and bubbling in the cafeteria. Sometimes they fly their broomsticks up & down the stairways while you’ve got to walk. Constantly making comments that their favorite cigarettes are “Salems.” Suing companies to get special “broomstick parking” just like they have for motorcycles or bikes…then parking in regular parking spots, smirking at you as you pass on by, having to park in the 12th row. The absolute worst though is when there are like, 3 or 4 of them walking down the hallway and, sure enough, they’re shoving regular people into walls, stepping on feet, waving their evil, thin, spider-like fingers in faces, cackling & daring you to make an issue of it. Jeeze…witches…Harrumph…
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