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| A planet where apes evolved from men? |
I remember watching this movie when I was a kid. I don’t remember the title or who starred in it but I can see, in my mind’s eye, the ending to the film as if it was yesterday. There was this group of scientists in Antarctica at a remote research station…oh, around 6 or 7 guys with these chimpanzees they kept in cages and used in their experiments, who knows what about. Well, as each scientist met his fate in some unusual way; you know, you see a box of used pinball parts fall on someone’s head or a beaker of acid thrown in someone else’s face, melting the flesh off & revealing a grim, grinning skull, you never actually saw the assailant. So, of course the remaining victims wonder who the killer is? Who could they trust? And thus, the tension builds until there is only one scientist left, baffled by the fact that he is the only human at the station yet someone is stalking him; someone, some unknown entity is forcing him into a smaller and smaller section of the station until he finds himself outside…in a freezing snowstorm…with no jacket, no gloves, no hope of survival. And, as the lock on the door to the outside clicks, sealing his fate, the face of a chimpanzee appears in the window & he realizes the monkeys have evolved to self-awareness. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! End credits. It was then that I realized that monkeys are evil. Over the past few months I have sounded the clarion call of awareness for those that choose to listen. The list is long: zombies, robots craving human flesh (whoops, actually that’s zombies craving human flesh, robots just wish to annihilate us.), clowns, witches, the red Chinese & their evil partner, Alex Trebek, Canadians & that insane fool “The Riddler.” Now it’s time to add that most conniving of creatures to the top of our official “enemies” list. The evidence is stacked against them; we ignore it at our peril. I don’t care how many “Curious George” books you may have read your children, monkeys are just plain evil…yes, even George. Allow yourself to be fair-minded for a bit & you will see the logic that stares you in the face…from behind bars in the monkey cage. Just why is George so curious? Could it be that he is just the first in a series of reconnaissance missions from monkeydom? Could it be that he gets himself in so many messes just to embarrass or possibly even injure the man in the yellow hat? Hmmm, an evil little monkey if you ask me. And, after so many cute little stories of George doing this & George doing that, people are blinded to the danger! You won’t think Curious George is so cute when him & his friends get “curious” on you with a croquet mallet! People’s evidence #2: Flying monkeys (*shiver.*) I mean, anyone that’s seen “The Wizard of Oz” knows what I’m talking about. Those flying monkeys were organized! The witch tells the “general” monkey to take his “army” to the forest & take care of the scarecrow & company. His “army?” WTF, has he got tanks & APC’s parked behind the castle? I don’t put anything past monkeys…especially flying ones (*shiver.*) I saw on the news recently that Michael Jackson’s pet monkey “Bubbles” is lonely. Latoya Jackson visited him. It was just plain weird. Anyway, as she is talking to him and crying the camera pans over to Bubbles sitting there, staring out into space. You could see it. You could see it if you looked close…“that” look. “That” look that monkeys use as if to say: “my only wish is to be released from this cage so that I may rip your face off and eat your eyeballs.” Yeah, Bubbles had “the look.” Evil monkey. So what to do about the monkey problem? Just what is the solution? There can only be one solution: shock & awe. We need to begin an offensive using all the tools at our disposal. Monkeys want to fly? Well, let’s introduce them to a few Apache attack helicopters. A 25mm automatic chain gun can sure ruin a monkey’s evil plan. Let’s see how curious George gets when we strap him to a cruise missile sporting a 10 kiloton nuclear payload headed to Kenya! That’s one dead monkey, boss. Overkill, you say? Only if you don’t believe in the future. You see, I believe in a future where humans dominate, not apes. Do you want to see the horror of a planet dominated by monkeys? A planet ruled by apes where humans are the hunted ones? A planet where apes evolved from men? I for one do not. I think George Taylor put it best when he said, back in 1967 (or was it 3978?), “Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!” Harrumph…
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