Now,
before you go off all half-cocked about political correctness let me say a few
things.
Stating
facts has nothing to do with political correctness. After all, no one gets upset if you say: “ever notice how during
the day it’s brighter than during nighttime?”
Stating of fact. It doesn’t mean
you have something against nighttime, you’re just stating a bloody fact. Period.
Political
correctness is leading to equality of outcome.
Now, some might say that this is a good thing. After all, shouldn’t everybody be equal in the end? Well, you might think that’s a good idea…
right up until the time that you spend two hours sitting on a bench at just
the right spot for your kid to see the latest, greatest Disney parade go
by, only to have some moron with his kid on his shoulders stand right in front
of you… one minute before Simba & Rafiki go by. Oh, and during the whole time your kid is complaining that he
can’t see anything, the moron blocking your view is saying things like: “Boy,
wasn’t it great that all the lines on the cool rides were so short? Hey look at Mufasa!” Go ahead & start your slow burn; but
remember, you wanted everyone to get a good spot in the end, whether they paid
the price for it or not.
And
you all know where political correctness will lead us eventually. Yeah, we might have cool domed cities but
everyone will be wearing the same gray spandex body suits, eating blue, green
and yellow cubes of tasteless who-knows-what-it-is and being put to death at
the age of thirty… unless you can elude the sandmen, escape the dome, and
survive the dinosaurs, killer robots, and mutant freaks lurking outside.
So,
if you are one of those namby-pamby types that issue the usual fake, horrified
look that we’ve all seen when someone uses the term “retard,” then maybe you need to
move a blog or two down the road. I’m
sure you can find something more to your liking. Maybe that blog on “when is the best time to weed your garden” or
the government pamphlet on the mating habits of the South Peruvian hairless
yak. Jeeze, I’ve been called plenty of
bad names over the years & I turned out all right. Now quit crying and read on.
Ok,
back to our topic, evil geniuses and their tendency to be Chinese. Most of you are probably familiar with Dr.
No, the first of James Bond’s many antagonists. Born in Peking.
Chinese-German heritage. Hmmm… I
knew the Germans would fit in here somewhere.
Always keep an eye on the Germans.
As an addendum to the Dr. No file we must also add Dr. Yes, from the TV
series “Get Smart.”
Mao
Zedong, obviously a Chinese evil genius.
He met all the qualifications to achieve evil genius status. A cool lair with many torture rooms, moats,
and bloodthirsty panda bear guards.
Minions (by the millions) to do his evil bidding. An excellent selection of weapons, chief
among these being: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical
devotion to taking over the world.
Fortunately, he was stopped at Taiwan… the “other” China. Get over it, Olympic Leadership Council.
Ho
Chi Minh. Definitely evil, definitely a
genius. Not Chinese, you say? Well, why don’t you just humor me on this
one. I mean after all, if either
Shanghai or Hanoi went up in radioactive smoke, I’d like you to tell me what
the diff is. Oh, c’mon, it’s
satire.
Dr.
Evil. Again, not Chinese you say? Well, he has got that whole Chinese bald
head thing going on and he does kinda talk funny, so I’m going to put this one
in the win column.
Charlie
Chan. “Wait a minute,” you say? “He’s a good guy,” you say? So, if Charlie Chan was such a good
detective for the Honolulu PD, why is it he never was able to catch Wo Fat, who
even now plagues McGarrett and Five-O in their crime fighting? My theory: Charlie Chan and Wo Fat were in
on it together, probably with the help of Fu Manchu, the only evil genius to
have a mustache named after him. Never
seen anyone wearing a “Ho Chi Minh,” no matter how much he tried breaking into
the evil mustache market. Ho Chi Minh…
yeah, he may have been an evil genius but really, what a jabroni.
 |
| "We'll meet again, Dr. Quest!" |
And
finally, the evil genius who’s been pulling all the strings. The puppet master behind all the other
“wanna-be” evil geniuses. Yes, it’s Dr.
Zin, the arch-nemesis of Dr. Benton Quest.
Week after week he would try various methods to gain the upper hand and
defeat the United States. He used evil
spider-like robot spies, flying saucers, replacement doubles of Quest’s
bodyguard, "Race" Bannon, and hollow volcano lairs to implement his plans. Fortunately for us, Jonny, Hadji &
Bandit were always on guard, protecting our country from the vile attempts of
the evil Dr. Zin. And even though he
was defeated time after time, he always came back. Always with a new plan, a new attempt at world domination. We may have won all the battles up to now
but just remember: “We’ll meet again,
Dr. Quest, yes, we’ll meet again… muahahahaha!!!” Harrumph…
No comments:
Post a Comment