The Statistics & Logistics division (Occult Section) at
HARRUMPH has called in our resident gypsy, Madam Geneva (and her magical blind
dog) to channel the ghost of Lenin in order to shed some light on what happened
to his protégé, Stalin.
“I am Lenin, I have liberated millions of workers to live a
life of contentment working in glorious government tractor factories and living
in government provided housing (3 families per apartment,) eating government
provided imaginary loaves of bread.”
“I am
Lenin. I have built a gigantic army of
red flag carrying soldiers (one rifle per 3 soldiers) to conquer the
world. Western capitalism cannot stand
the tide of communism and the glorious armies which march beneath our banners.”
“I
am Lenin. I have led…” (*mumblings from
outside the crystal ball*) “I’m sorry…
I am Lenin…” (*more mumblings from outside the crystal ball*) “*sigh* Ok, I may be Lenin, but what is it
you want?” (*mumbling*) “Wait a minute… Stalin? WTF?
I thought you channeled me to talk about my accomplishments! After all, I am Lenin, not that
goat-sucking Georgian peasant!”
(*mumbling*) “What happened to him?
Who gives a proletariat crap what happened to him. How about ‘what happened to me?’ I mean, I was the original commie
bastard, not Stalin… and… and… I was the one that had the Czar and his
entire family liquidated… Stalin… all he did was relay my orders! I am
Lenin! Not him… not anyone else! I am Lenin! I AM LENIN! Ha ha! I am Lenin (*whisper*) Ho
ho ho! I am Lenin! Lenin am I! I would
be Lenin on a train! I would be Lenin
in the rain! I would be Lenin with a fox!
I would be Lenin in a box! Hey
wait a minute… I am in a box… crap.”
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