Yes, you’ve heard right.
This is a question I’ve had on my mind for quite a while. What ever happened to the Roosevelts? Their dynasty started out ok, but then they
just kinda faded out like the Burgermeisters of Sombertown. You all remember T.R., right? Teddy Roosevelt… led the charge of the Rough
Riders up a hill later to be confused with San Juan Hill during the
Spanish-American war. Lots of glory and
fame. Became 26th President
of the United States after William McKinley was assassinated. Took over building the Panama Canal after
the frenchies gave up (big surprise there.)
Pretty good start to a Roosevelt dynasty, huh?
Well, 24 years later T.R.’s cousin, Franklin takes over as the
32nd President. Heck, he
sticks around as top dog for 12 years!
Unprecedented! No president
dared to run for more than two terms.
After all, George Washington only served two terms and he was “the
greatest,” right? Well, FDR built on the
dynasty started by Teddy and stayed until he dropped…and then they were just…
gone.
I guess any line of royalty has a habit of doing that…
sometimes at the edge of a blade. Anyway, Americans have always been fascinated by dynasties and royalty. Heck, as any fifth grader knows (well, those
that went to school before the ‘80’s or so) our country began as colonies of an
empire. To this day we are still
infatuated with royalty.
For example, take a look at the Kennedys. Of course we all know that that old
rumrunner, Joseph Kennedy and his wife, Rose, produced the now familiar family
tree that is commonly referred to as “American royalty.” Poor Joseph jr. never was a part of the
Camelot-to-be, even though he was the senior son & therefore daddy’s choice
for the top spot. However, piloting
exploding B-24’s have a way of ruining even daddy warbucks’ plans for the
future so it kinda fell to young Jack to give it the old college try.
Yeah, he made it to Camelot all right, but someone forgot to
clear a grassy knoll & we all know the rest of the story. Oh, don’t feel too bad for him, he was
the most powerful man in the world for a couple of years & he did tap ‘ol
Marilyn once or twice before crossing over… that’s got to put a smile on
anyone’s face… well, if you’ve got a face… Oh stop it, he doesn’t mind a good
joke every now & then. After all,
I’m sure he was able to talk his way into Catholic Heaven so he’s got all the
beer, boobs & trampolines he can handle now.
And what about Bobby? Well,
kinda the same story as Jack. Made it
to Camelot… tapped Marilyn… Catholic Heaven with trampolines… Oh, just that
president thing. That ambition stopped
in L.A. with a couple of pistol shots.
Any unaccounted-for grassy knolls in L.A.? Dang, if I didn’t know better I’d say this family was cursed or
something. And poor Teddy maybe hung
around the edges of Camelot, but didn’t even get to meet Marilyn much less cop
a feel. But, he did have his own
passions, driving fast & night swims ‘round the bridges of
Chappaquiddick. Not really a smart
thing to do, most people take a swim buddy with them for safety.
John F. Kennedy Jr. seems to have inherited his uncle Joe’s
love of flying. He also seems to have
inherited his uncle’s knack for having one more take-off than landings logged
in his flight log, but at least he participated in the “Camelot” fairy tale and
that’s surely enough for those “royalty-watchers” out there.
So we know what happened to the Kennedy’s, and we sorta know
what happened to the Roosevelts, but now I’ve really lost interest in those two
dynasties. I feel we would’ve been
better served by a different dynasty.
We could’ve had a real one instead of all these
“wanna-be’s” that we elect every 4
years. Yes, the founding fathers got a
lot of things right but they missed on the one point that could’ve made us a
great country from the get-go. The
people were already used to saying “King George” since they were subjects of
the British crown. We could’ve traded
the old King George for a new King George.
And our King George would’ve been better. Stronger… faster… King George Washington… Kicked ass on every
limey he ever met. Chopped down cherry
trees any time he wanted. Looked very
“kingly” while he stood up in the boat crossing the Delaware. And… any King that drives a Dodge Challenger
the way he drives it gets my vote… Harrumph…
The only roalty we have now are the Hiltons and the Trumps. Harrumph. A bunch of spoiled brats. We should take them all out and replace them with a new, better royal family... I can't think of anyone right now, but I'm sure there's a family out there who is better than the Hiltons or the Trumps. Better yet we can take them out and Mr. H.A. Rrumph can take over and rule with an iron fist. Muahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteIf elected king, I promise to wear a George Washington wig and drive a Dodge Challenger through all enemy troops I encounter. Muahahahahahaha!!!
ReplyDeleteInterestingly unknown fact: We know that JFK was the youngest elected president, but TR was the youngest man to ever serve as president. He was 1 year younger than JFK when he took office, but had only been elected Vice-President. When he was elected president, he was 1 year older than JFK.
ReplyDeleteAlso, George Washington had the opportunity to be "elected" King, and turned it down!
See Mr. H.A. Rrumph, this is why you keep me around!
Excellent post, Number 4! Do I detect a request to change over from minion (number 4) to henchman (Random Fact) in your comment? If so, I will take it under advisement.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I hate being reminded that the two Roosevelt presidents were, in fact, related. Teddy Roosevelt was the most awesome, ass-kickingest president to ever don a mustache. He was like Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer rolled into one and placed atop a horse! If he had lived to see what his tragically lame cousin did to this country, he would have knocked him right out of his wheelchair and kicked his megalomaniacal, gross, polio-ridden, socialist ass all over Washington.
ReplyDeleteBut, yeah, I'm also up for running down limeys with cars.
At least we got those two things right, cars and freedom.
ReplyDeleteMakes me a proud American......:)