Hello
everyone, my name is Stan and I’m kinda new here at the Statistics & Logistics
division, located on the second level of the HARRUMPH bunker. I joined HARRUMPH a few weeks ago because it seems I’m always getting the short end
of the stick and, quite frankly, I’m ready for some payback. Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve always
had to play second fiddle; at home, at school, even in the Skull & Bones
society.
You see, my older brother is Satan & boy what a drama
queen! Always looking for
attention. He always got new jeans… I
had to wear hand-me-downs. He got a new
car for his sixteenth birthday… I got a computer. Even in Skull & Bones, he had a real skull… I had to buy a
plastic one at Walmart. Heck, mom &
dad even gave him an extra “a” in his name.
He always got the better end of the deal. I mean, check it out: after we moved out, he becomes the “Prince
of Darkness.” I ended up opening an
insurance business in Battle Creek. No,
not even “that” Battle Creek… my office
is in Battle Creek, Iowa, population 800, *sigh.* Yeah, I know… Loser-ville.
As our town website says: “You can gas up your car or get it repaired;
you can have your hair done or open an account at the bank; you can visit the
library or even buy a log home.” Are
you kidding me?
So
anyway, it was time for a change and I’m hoping working customer service here
in the S & L division is just a start.
I’ve already qualified on the miniature grenade range and I’ve had a
couple of close encounters with the gatling gun Roomba one level down. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll take that
second “a” away from my brother & send him to Battle Creek!
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