Poll #18 Santa Claus alert ends

     We interrupt our normal programming for a special news alert.  As you recall, last week Santa’s sleigh was forced to land at a ChiCom airbase.  The fate of Santa Claus was a mystery until today.  Minutes ago, just after 2 a.m. local time, Shenyang Air Base, People’s Republic of China, Special forces consisting of heavily armed elves began landing via stealth sleigh.  We now go to our embedded reporter via cell phone video link, on the scene:

     “Thank you, this is Oliver South, reporting from Shenyang airbase.  As you can see, elf commando units have secured the air base and surrounding areas.  They have been conducting a systemic search for their commander, Santa Claus, since we landed a few minutes ago.  Let me tell you, these elves are tough and they’ve been trained to a razor’s edge.  As we made our final approach we could see several explosions in the outlying areas as our escorts took out the ChiCom air defense batteries.  Small arms fire is still being heard as they push the perimeter out and we constantly hear the drone of friendly aircraft overhead.  At least 4 ChiCom jets were shot down during the penetration of Chinese airspace… Wait… Wait one… We’re getting word now over our secure portable radio… Yes!  Yes!  Santa has been found!  They’ve found Santa in the basement of the terminal building in the process of being water boarded by ChiCom intelligence agents.  He should be coming up right n… There!  There he is, being escorted aboard a transport sleigh by heavily armed elf commandos!  Once again, the forces of good have defeated the evil ChiCom menace!  It appears that the red Chinese will join the North Koreans on the “naughty” list for this upcoming year.  Now the transport sleigh, bearing Santa away from this terrible place is lifting off, popping flares as it climbs into the night.  We’re getting word now to board our transport, as the commando units begin their withdrawal.  Once again, this is Oliver South, reporting from Shenyang, China.”