Twas the day after
Christmas, and all through the house
Not a package
unopened, ‘cept a CD by Strauss.
The stockings still
hung, but nobody cared
Emptied of goodies,
not a toy they had spared.
The children had
worn off their candy cane high,
And now not a head
out of bed we did spy.
As we slept well
deserved, ‘round a quarter to four,
A noise I did hear
out beyond, past the door.
On the front lawn
there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the
bed to see what was the matter.
I opened the
window, looked out, and swore,
An object, there
seemed, just weren’t there before.
It was dinged up
& scratched, a wreck I’ll agree,
With a sticker on
back that said “Redneck R.V.”
The seat and the
floor covered with cans of cheap beer,
It was a miniature
sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
With a haggard old
driver, who looked like a hick,
I thought for a
moment, “this can’t be St. Nick!”
Like a tree full of
sloths his coursers they came,
And he whistled,
and shouted, and called them by name!
“C’mon, Dasher
& Dancer! Move it, Prancer &
Vixen!
On Comet! On Cupid! Let’s go, Donner & Blitzen!
C’mon all you guys,
I know this ain’t fun,
I know you’re all
tired, but we’re just about done!”
Then he looked up
and spied me gazing out from the pane,
And he yelled out a
message, as if to explain.
“Hey you, in the
window, have you got a truck?
There’s lots of
snow down here, I think this thing’s stuck!”
I threw down the
window; it closed with a click,
I dressed, pulled
my boots on, and I did it right quick.
Bounding down the
stairs quickly, and out the front door,
And as I approached
him he let out a roar.
“I was on my way
home, I was running on fumes,
When I heard a loud
bump, then a crash, and a boom.
So I set her down here,
‘cause I saw back beyond,
That you’ve got a
garage right next to your pond.”
“I’ve been driving
this thing ‘round the world it seems now,
For a long thousand
years, from New York to Macao.
It’s used up and
broken, this thing’s a real dump.
Bring your truck
from out back, my sleigh needs a jump.”
Confused and
confounded I asked ‘bout the deer.
He looked at them
sadly, then he said with a sneer.
“They used to be
great, but they’re tired and slow,
So I put in an
engine, now they’re just there for show.”
He took out some
cables from a giant tool case.
He’d done this
before, in many a place.
He clipped them on
nimbly; he was ready to go,
“Now start that
truck up or I’ll call for a tow!”
When I drove my
truck ‘round from the back of the house,
He took out a flask
from inside of his blouse.
He hooked up the
cable and took a long nip,
Then yelled out and
laughed, “Now give it a rip!”
The sleigh started
up, my truck’s got a diehard,
He closed up the
hood, then gave me his card.
It simply read
“Santa, North Pole” how quaint,
Quite simple for
someone who’s known as a saint.
Then he thanked me
and offered a drink from his flask,
A second time
certainly, he hadn’t to ask.
Then he mounted his
sleigh and he cracked opened a beer,
“Merry Christmas my
friend, I’ll see you next year!”
Harrumph…
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