Entertainment division poll # 16

     “Awright, so youse that is readin’ this probably don’t know who I am, but youse sure know my brother, Mickey Mouse.  You see, my name is Mortimer Mouse & I ain’t no fancy pants like Mickey.  First of all, I love a good stogie.  I don’t wear no fancy little red shorts with gold buttons like Mickey.  And, I ain’t got no steady squeeze like Mickey either.  I wear a derby, a moth-bitten vest & them gloves with no fingers in ‘em.  And, as for company of the fairer type?  Well, youse can rent that down on the corner for a lot cheaper… and, you don’t have to listen to that loud, whinny squeal of hers about comin’ home at midnight, yada, yada.”

     “So, I remember when Mick & I… he used to go by “Mick” before he hit the big time.  Ya, Mick ‘n Mort, what a team we was.  So, anyways, Mick & I went over to Disney’s Burbank studio ‘cause we heard they was havin’ an open casting call.  Well, we went over there together… boy, youse couldn’t separate the two of us back then… we sure had some good times, we did… rollin’ drunks, bustin’ soda pop machines for change & stuff.  So, anyways we went together, kinda like an American Idol thing.  Well, Mr. Disney starts askin’ us some questions & he’s callin’ me “Morty.”  He’s callin’ me this like we’re old pals from the neighborhood or somethin’!  Well, you knows, I start tellin’ him just where he can step off & Mick’s like “Ha ha, knock it off Mort.  Don’t you know this can be a big break for us? Ha ha.”  Always with that little laugh, Mick was.  You know, when he would get kinda nervous.  Well, you knows, when I gets nervous I just gotta pop some smarty ass in the nose.  So, that’s just what I did… I popped that Disney guy right in the kisser.  Then, when I was standin' over him, I gave him the line I like to use when I’m conductin’ “business:”  “Youse ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?”  That’s when Disney gives me the same startled look I saw the night before when I rolled a few drunks for spendin’ money.  I thought I’d seen his face somewhere before when we first got there but just couldn’t place it ‘till then.  Well, when he recognized me I took off runnin’ & I ain’t stopped since.  And my brother?  Well, you knows his story.  They became best buds, bought an orange grove in Anaheim, & made a fortune.  And, even though I never did get in on that deal I knows that no matter what happens, there’s a brother somewhere who’ll never refuse me a bowl of soup”