Well, you, the reader, have voiced your
opinion on our Larry King poll. We must
admit that you have shown yourselves to be a very clever group.
As you all probably know, Larry King
couldn’t have served as President Lincoln’s press secretary. During the Civil War he was busy setting up
his studio in Florida at the time, and Lincoln made it a policy not to hire
confederates, thus, zero votes.
As far
as him being Rachel Maddow’s “boy toy,” unless he’s living in her nightstand
drawer with an extra set of batteries, we can eliminate that answer…zero
votes. And, his
last birthday cake actually used no candles at all! The local fire department wouldn’t issue the permits required due
to the danger of a firestorm. It only got two votes.
With eight votes, it
turns out that Larry King is, in fact, “case zero” of the zombie apocalypse. We’re pretty sure that CNN has kept him
“alive” for at least a decade because his show is their best ratings draw (not
really surprising since the rest of their on-air crew consists totally of life
sized cardboard cut-outs.)
If you
listen closely you’ll here that his current television interviews sound a lot
like they’re being conducted by Max Headro-ro-room, a popular digital
personality from the 80’s, because they’re now being pasted together from old
interview tapes they have in the basement.
Anyway, since we’re sure he actually passed away at least 10 years ago
we can conclude that he must be “case zero.”
He certainly pre-dates the “experiments” going on in the lower levels of
the HARRUMPH bunker, down in “G” Section…
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