Harrumph File #032 09.06.2010_ Give Jafar a chance

Disclaimer:  The Harrumph Files would like to thank Jake S. for his initial inspiration on this harrumph while at the same time making it crystal clear that this is now the sole intellectual property of The Harrumph Files… Muahahaha!!!  And now, this week’s Harrumph File!!!

You know, in this era of bailouts and second chances for “deserving” organizations & individuals, there’s one guy in particular that had been somehow overlooked.  Even now he sits, waiting patiently in a cave somewhere for his salvation.  But alas, he has been forgotten by the multitudes under the sand heaps of history.  I even heard that his feathered sidekick, Iago, who opened a second-class gin-joint down in Florida, got rubbed out by the Cuban mafia.  Well, I for one am here to announce that we need to make this right; we need to fill our hearts with hope for change; we must do this, not for me, not for Kings & Queens, not for some future evil Chinese overlord…we must do this for the little man; for those that he has championed throughout his ever-so brief time among us.  Yes, it is for the orphans and the downtrodden that I proclaim from every mountaintop: Give Jafar a chance! (Let the bells ring throughout the land in celebration!)  Yes, you should know who he is; he needs no introduction.  But, I know there are some of you out there that don’t know your history (real or fictitious, it doesn’t really matter now) so, let me explain.  Jafar was the Royal Vizier in the court of the Sultan of Agrabah.  The city was run by a bumbling & childish (although all-powerful) Sultan, whose daughter, Jasmine, got “involved” with a worthless street rat named Aladdin & his dirty (but cute) monkey, Abu.  Now, Jafar only wanted what was best for the people of Agrabah.  He worked tirelessly as the Sultan’s advisor, even as the Sultan squandered the wealth of his people, drawn from them in the form of oppressive taxes just as their lifeblood is drawn by the blade.  And what did he spend the people’s wealth on?  Public works?  Defense?  Unemployment compensation?  No.  He spent their hard-earned dollars (or rupees or hallakalas or whatever) on a huge palace (that none of his subjects, by the way, are allowed in;) nice, cool gardens to relax in, peasant-free; exotic pets (that are obviously altered so that they have human-like brains) for his children to play with; and other trappings of power that are not available to the “little people.”  Dang, this guy is so lost in the wealth and ornaments of office that you could mistake him for the President (wow, that family eats so much lobster that I’m thinking of investing in butter futures!)  And, our poor Jafar? What of him?  He only wanted to help the people.  His life-long dream of finding the lamp of the genie was simply a manifestation of his love for the people of Agrabah.  The magic that the genie possessed could serve the people.  It could defend them with an unstoppable army (I heard the Germans aren’t using theirs right now, and you know those Germans… always looking for someone to fight!)  It could provide them with clean, decent homes (under section 8, of course.)  It could feed them something besides government cheese.  Obviously, the Sultan has no such programs.  And this Aladdin character?  What would he do with this source of ultimate power?  His actions speak louder than my poor attempt to enlighten you ever could.  He enriched himself with seventy-five golden camels!  Purple peacocks?  He's got fifty-three!  Ninety-five white Persian monkeys…now why does he need white Persian monkeys?  And besides, isn’t one enough?  Who needs ninety-five?  He's got slaves, he's got servants, he's got flunkies!  Does this sound like a man of the people?  I mean he appears at the gates of Agrabah posing as this unknown “Prince Ali.”  And he shows up with sixty elephants, llamas galore, with his bears and lions,  A brass band and more, with his forty fakirs, his cooks, his bakers, his birds that warble on key… Make way for Prince Ali!  Yeah, better make way ‘cause if you don’t you’re just going to end up under a parade of royal animal crap.  Now, did Jafar want any of this?  No, I do believe I even detected him issuing a “harrumph” when “Prince Ali” showed up with his monstrosity of a retinue.  I’m sure that you, dear reader, can see the point I’m trying to make here.  The establishment has failed.  The next generation, with it’s false hope & promises of change, has failed.  I beg of you… give Jafar a chance.  Give him a chance to serve.  Give him a chance as Sultan.  Demand that the law be enforced!  Since Princess Jasmine has not selected a suitor she is legally bound to marry the Royal Vizier!  Sure, he has called her a shrew!  Sure, he has no real interest in her as anything other than a conduit to the reins of power!  But, he is willing to sacrifice for the people.  He is willing to put his wishes behind those of the people.  And, speaking of wishes, you know, if Jafar uses one wish to pump her up a cup size or two, he’s still got two other wishes left…for the people.  Is that golden, or what?  Harrumph…