Madam Geneva, our resident gypsy here at the Harrumph bunker,
has channeled the ghost of General George S. Patton to help us understand the
“Libyan problem.” She requests that
everyone stand at attention while the General materializes in the smoke-filled
room (he’s a bit of a prima donna when it comes to protocol.)
GENERAL PATTON: “Be
seated. Now, I want you to remember
that no ba$*#rd ever won a war (or a “kinetic military action,”) by setting up
a “no-fly” zone. He won it by blasting
the other poor, dumb ba$*#rd back to the stone age. Men, all this stuff you’ve heard about America not wanting to
fight, wanting to stay out of the kinetic military action, is a lot of horse
dung. Americans traditionally love to
fight. All real Americans love
the sting of battle. Just because our
President is better at organizing a lobster-filled state dinner, than he is at
organizing a ground offensive, doesn’t mean our Army cannot take out Qaddafi
and his thugs. Americans love a winner
and will not tolerate a loser. Americans,
unlike the French, play to win all the time.
I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That’s
why Americans have never lost and will never lose a war. Because the very thought of losing is
hateful to Americans.”
“We have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit and the
best men in the world. You know, by God
I actually pity those poor ba$*#rds we’re going up against. By God, I do. We’re not just going to shoot the ba$*#rds, we’re going to cut
out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We’re going to murder those lousy Khadaffi
ba$*#rds by the bushel.”
“Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not
you'll chicken out under fire. Don't worry about it. It’s a natural reaction after growing up in our namby-pamby,
everyone wins, PC culture. I can assure
you that you will all do your duty.
Gaddaffi is the enemy. Wade into
him. Spill his blood. Shoot him in the belly. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo
that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do.”
“Now there’s another thing I want you to remember. I don’t want
to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We’re not holding anything. Let Qadhafi do that. We are advancing constantly and we’re not
interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto Kaddaffi by the nose and we're going to
kick him in the ass. We're going to
kick the hell out of him all the time and we're gonna go through him like crap
through a goose.”
“There’s one thing that you men will be able to say when you get
back home. And you may thank God for
it. Thirty years from now when you’re
sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you
what did you do in the great Libyan kinetic military action, you won’t have to
say, “Well, I shoveled sh*t in Louisiana.”
“Alright now, you sons-of-bi#*hes, you know how I feel. Oh, and
I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle – anytime, anywhere,
dead or alive.”
“That’s
all.”
Well said, General.
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