Port
Royal, summer, 1667
Yaaaarrr… My name be unimportant. Suffice to say I be an unnamed wretch
serving aboard the most accursed vessel ever to sail the Spanish Main. Ay, I be a member of the brethren, and
things I have seen. Things that would
make the strongest man quake and the weakest man insane with the madness. But, mark well me words, mates. For death awaits for them what don’t hear
and obey. Death of the most pitiless
and vile kind. For you what don’t want
to suffer the same horrid fate which has befall’n me, let yer ears hear the
truth of me tale. For, as the brethren
know, you are the final master of your future.
Listen
and follow the timeless rules of the brethren as set forth:
1. Every man
shall obey civil Command; the Captain shall have one full share and a half in
all Prizes; the Master, Carpenter, Boatswain and Gunner shall have one Share
and quarter.
2. If any man shall offer to run away, or keep any Secret
from the Company, he shall be marroon'd with one Bottle of Powder, one Bottle
of Water, one small Arm and shot.
3. If any Man
shall steal any Thing in the Company, or game, to the Value of a Piece of
Eight, he shall be marroon'd or shot.
4. If at any Time
we should meet another Marrooner (that is Pyrate) that Man that shall sign his
Articles without the Consent of our Company, shall suffer such Punishment as
the Captain and Company shall think fit.
5. That Man that
shall strike another whilst these Articles are in force, shall receive Mose's
Law (that is 40 stripes lacking one) on the bare Back.
6. That Man that
shall snap his Arms, or smoke Tobacco in the Hold, without a cap to his Pipe,
or carry a Candle lighted without a Lantern, shall suffer the same Punishment
as in the former Article.
7. That Man that
shall not keep his Arms clean, fit for an Engagement, or neglect his Business,
shall be cut off from his Share, and suffer such other Punishment as the
Captain and the Company shall think fit.
8. If any Man
shall lose a Joint in time of an Engagement he shall have 400 pieces of Eight;
if a limb 800.
9. If at any time you meet with a prudent Woman, that Man
that offers to meddle with her, without her Consent, shall suffer present
Death.
10. That Man that
shall involve himself in a land war in Asia shall suffer such Punishment as the
Cong see fit.
11. That Crew
that elects for Captain a Community Organizer or a Socialist shall suffer the
consequences of their poor decision.
And That which elects one who be both shall suffer for double.
Join
this unnamed, but very insightful, wretched pirate in voting on this week’s
poll! Congratulations to TF of
Pleasanton, California, last week’s winner of a limited edition, special prize
button!
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