Muammar
al-Gaddafi/Kaddafi/Quadaffi; this clown prince of the Libyan desert has been a
thorn in the side of the world for over 40 years now and I want to know just
one thing. How the heck does he spell
his own name? According to the CIA
World Fact Book (and Wikipedia,) 112 different possible spellings have been
identified. Maybe I’m asking the wrong
question here or maybe I just haven’t provided you with an acceptable answer
yet. Yeah, you know what? Who cares how he spells his own name. After all, any way you spell it, it’s just
pronounced “jabroni.”
This
guy has slinked around and hidden in tents or behind women’s skirts for so long
that people just take him for granted now.
Yes, I know that he has been a sponsor of terrorism and has made many
outlandish claims. But when you get
right down to it, he’s pretty much just a clown on the international
scene. Heck, he doesn’t even trust his
own people to act as his bodyguards; he’s got to hire them out of Soldier of
Fortune magazine. In my book you can’t
even call him a real leader. I mean,
can you imagine if the President had to hire mercenaries from another country
to guard the White House? To fly Air
Force One? Now that would be the
pinnacle of patheticism.
No,
real countries with real leaders are guarded by citizen-soldiers,
“tribe-members,” countrymen. The White House is guarded by U.S. Marines.
English regiments guard English Kings & Queens. Popes are guarded by… well, by Swiss
guards. But, the Swiss aren’t really
using their army anyway, and they’re right next door to Italy so we’ll give
them a pass. Roman emperors were
guarded by Praetorian Legions of Romans. And yes, maybe they acquired a nasty habit of assassinating
emperors and putting the throne up for auction occasionally, but that doesn’t
detract from the fact that… oh well, maybe that’s not a real good example but I
was on a roll. And besides, you can’t
find anywhere in history about anyone using Libyans to guard anything.
So,
back to the muppet who used to be Kaddaffi (seriously, have you seen him on TV
lately? Really, he looks like a
muppet.) You would think he’d learn his
lesson. He blows up a nightclub; he
gets bombed. He draws a “Line of Death”
across the Gulf of Sidra; he gets bombed.
He invades Chad; he gets bombed.
I mean really, who looses a war against Chad? Apparently, we have found a winner. Seriously, take a look at Libya anyway. You know, without oil, what exactly would
Libya be? You guessed it, without oil,
Libya would be Chad. Their number one
export? Camel dung. And how about this-when Lucas was filming
“Star Wars,” he took the production to Tunisia, right next door to Libya. And everyone knows the sand dunes are
way better in Libya than in Tunisia.
The reason Lucas went to Tunisia instead? He didn’t want to work with a jabroni like Quaddafi. And besides, Gadaffi executed all the Libyan
Jawas years ago anyway.
 |
| French “Top Guns.” I know, it’s kinda funny. |
So
now, here he is on TV shaking his fist at the world again. Threatening to wipe out anyone who revolts
against him. “It will be a long war
against the West,” he says. A “line of
death.” “Piles of American corpses on
the beaches,” blah, blah. Well, we’ve
got you now, Mr. Jabroni. That’s right,
we’ve got a secret weapon. Something
you never expected. Throw a “fatwa” on
us, eh? Well, we throw a “fatwa” right
back on your misshapen, pumpkin-like head; you sad, sad clown. Yes, a “fatwa” in the form of the French
army. No, it’s not a contradiction in
terms. They mean it this time you sorry
little muppet of a man. French fighter
jets are coming for you! French bombs
are falling on your tanks! French
missiles are blasting your anti-aircraft radars to dust! And you know the saddest part of it
all? It’s working. French military assets really work! They’re not really made of cardboard like we
all thought they were! And, like his
war against Chad, that clownish jabroni from Tripoli is loosing to the
French! I mean, really, you’ve got to
be a total jabroni to get your ass kicked by France. Harrumph…
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