To
the Congress of Minions of the Harrumph Organization:
Sunday, November 21st, 2010 - a date
which will live in outfamy (the opposite of infamy) - the ChiCom menace was
suddenly and deliberately attacked by forces of the Harrumph organization.
The Harrumph organization was at peace with that
nation and, at the solicitation of the ChiComs, was still in conversation with
the government and its evil overlords looking toward the maintenance of peace
in the Pacific.
Indeed, one hour after Harrumph air squadrons had
commenced carpet-bombing of the Chinese mainland, the heathen ChiCom ambassador
to Harrumph and his colleagues delivered to the office secretary a formal reply
to a recent Harrumph message. While this reply stated that it seemed useless to
continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint
of war or armed attack. Therefore, we
struck.
It will be recorded that the distance of China from
the undisclosed Harrumph bunker site makes it obvious that our attack was
deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time,
we deliberately sought to deceive the ChiComs by false statements and
expressions of hope for continued peace.
In this way we used their own unscrupulous methods against them.
The initial attack yesterday on the Chinese mainland
has caused severe damage to their slave labor factories. Very many bootleg DVDs
were destroyed. In addition, the single ChiCom ballistic missile submarine, the
“Ding Dong,” has been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco
and Honolulu.
In September, the Harrumph organization also
conquered Singapore.
In September, the Harrumph organization also
conquered Australia.
In September, the Harrumph organization also
conquered New Zealand.
In November, the Harrumph organization also
conquered Malaysia.
In November, the Harrumph organization also
conquered Indonesia.
In November, the Harrumph organization also
conquered Japan.
 |
| We should've let MacArthur finish the job in '51. Harrumph!!! |
The Harrumph organization has, therefore, undertaken
a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of
September and November speak for themselves. The minions of the Harrumph
organization have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications
to the very life and safety of our evil institution.
As Evil Genius in Charge of the Harrumph
organization, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. Always will we remember the character of the
onslaught we have begun.
No matter how long it may take us to overcome the
forces arrayed against us, the minions and henchmen of the Harrumph
organization in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.
I believe I interpret the will of the minions and of
the henchmen when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the
utmost, but will make very certain that this form of treachery shall never be
used against us.
Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact
that our people, our territory and our interests are in grave danger.
With confidence in our Harrumph forces - with the
unbounding determination of our people - we will gain the inevitable triumph -
so help us God.
I ask that the Congress of Minions declare that
since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by us on Sunday, November 21st,
a state of war has existed between the Harrumph organization and the evil
ChiCom menace. To victory, and
beyond! Harrumph…
I hereby motion for the Congress of Minions to declare war on the evil ChiComs where ever they may be found. The ChiCom menace must be defeated. Do I have a second?
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