This week’s poll will be introduced by one of our
preeminent scientists here in the undisclosed HARRUMPH bunker site,
well-equipped with end-of-the-world supplies, including the world-famous
"great wall of ammunition," miniature grenade range, and ping-pong
table. Please welcome Professor
Heinrich Von Schmidt… (*mumbling from off stage*) Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot… (*more mumbling from off stage*) Don’t worry, noones’s going to recognize…
just shush. Please welcome Professor
Henry Smith, American citizen who has never been to Germany… or even anywhere
in Europe… or South America.
“Vell, hallo
everyvun. I vould like to go over ziss
veek’s poll for you. Let me begin by
saying that even sough my training is in rocketry, I am also vell conversed in
umm… chemical engineering and physics. hmmm… mmm (*kind of a weird, muffled giggle*.) Ve started on a project to
transmogrify a frog into a Tyrannosaurus
rex… umm just to see if ve could actually do it… hmmm… mmm. And, ve ended up opening some kind uf portal
or hole vich vas a vindow into zee future.
So ve had a nice talk vis vun uf my colleagues from tventy sree elefun
(*scratches ‘2311’ on chalkboard*) a, umm, Mr. Zoltron… hmmm… mmm. You see he zays everyvun in zee future goes
by only vun name… zumthink to do vis zee popularity of zum people from our
time… ummm, I sink he zaid zum of zee names vere ‘Mrs. Gaga’ or zumthink, ummm,
‘Zinbad,’ let’s see anozer vas ‘Opera’ or vas it ‘Oprah,’ and a ‘Mr. T,’ or
maybe it vas ‘P.’
He told us many other sinks about zee future that vere, at times,
troubling. Zay do haf flying cars und
vorld-vide cell coverage vis no roaming charges, but it zeems sat zeir robot
verkers are not following directions very vell and zeem to be actually
organizing. hmmm… mmm. Anyvay, Mr. ummm… Provezzor Zoltron saw zee
‘SS’ vatch on my… hmmm… mmm. I mean zee
‘Rotary Club’ vatch on my wrist und vas very intrigued by zee dial on zee face. You see, they haf no analog vatches in zee
future… zumthink to do vis zee “Idiocracy Zyndrome.” So ziss leads us to poll number sirteen:
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