Harrumph File #067 05.08.2011_Under The SEA(Ls)

     So, after turning over the refuse pile that is the Middle East we finally got the head cockroach and served him an early morning breakfast of full metal-jacketed, 62 grain lead.  Now, although it was a brilliantly executed commando raid by consummate professionals, and it achieved 100% of the objectives assigned… personally I wanted a little more.  Specifically, I would have liked to have seen the SEALs capture the bastard, hog-tie him, and then cut off his evil head with the exact same kind of saw that was used to kill poor Danny Pearl.  Ok, I know that we’re the good guys and that we don’t do those kinds of things and that we have to stand for truth, justice and the American way.  But, don’t you wish that just once we would teach these clowns that when they mess with the U.S. that they might end up sewn up in the carcass of a pig and kicked out the back of a C-130 at 15,000 feet?  Now that’s what they mean when they say “…when pigs fly.”  Oh well, until that day comes I’ll still take a “single shot through the engine block” every time.

     So now everyone is talking about the “courageous decision” made by King Oba… Sorry, sorry, I mean President Obama.  They’re saying that he could’ve just dropped a bomb on the building instead of risking American lives in a “daring” raid, deep in enemy territory (Yes, I know UBL was hiding in Pakistan… “Indian territory” if there ever was any.  Heck, there was probably an old 7^th Cavalry guidon hanging on one of the walls.)  So anyway, let’s examine the decision to send the SEALs in.  First of all, every SEAL that went on the raid was a volunteer, twice over.  They volunteered to join the military and they volunteered for special forces training.  They knew what they were risking.  And, I guarantee that every single SEAL, Green Beret, and Marine Recon warrior we have wishes he was on that raid.  Every SEAL who was assigned to perimeter security on the raid wished he was on the entry team.  And, every SEAL on the entry team wished he was the first guy in.  This is what they do.  They don’t do it for fame.  They don’t do it for fortune.  They do it because it’s what they’ve been trained to do.

     Now, one other thing must be said about “the decision.”  We didn’t send in a four or eight man team, which is how SEALs and other special forces troops normally operate… we sent 40 guys.   I don’t care if UBL was being guarded by a whole battalion of Pakistanis… by sending in 40 SEALs the result would’ve been the same:  SEALs-all come back alive; enemy-all dead.  Heck, with 40 SEALs I could take over the bottom 90% of countries in the world.  And we’ve got way more than 40 SEALs.  Not to mention the fact that there was probably a company or two of Rangers or Marines backing them up on 5 minute strip alert, an AWACs controlling the whole thing and an AC-130 or two orbiting overhead… and the entire air wing of the U.S.S. Carl Vinson orbiting over the Arabian Sea loaded for bear.  So… courageous decision?  Come on, if Donald Duck was president right now we’d all be saying that he was the greatest since Teddy Roosevelt… Jeeze… let’s save the remarks about courage for the guys whose names nobody knows… the guys who actually went in there and shot that moron in the face.

     Now, I can praise the president for one part of this entire operation.  Did you notice what I noticed in that picture of the national security team gathered around watching the operation “real-time?”  No, besides the facts that Hillary still looks like a ventriloquists’ dummy and Biden was wide awake.  There wasn’t a tray full of lobster carcasses shoved against the wall like there usually is during current White House meetings.  Seriously did you ever notice that?  Michelle goes to Spain-eats lobster for every meal.  The president & his family go visit the gulf during the oil spill-lobster for every meal.  State dinner-lobster.  Super bowl-lobster & bbq wings.  Hmmm… movin’ on up!

     One other thing:  burying this clown at sea.  Yeah, I get the fact that now there’s no shrine (or “Mecca” if you’ll please,) for followers to go to and wail (or whatever they do at shrines.)  But, you know me… I wanted a little more.  I was kinda hoping that we might prop up his dead carcass in the rotunda of the Capitol Building.  You know, put him in a simple pine box, like the outlaws of the old west.  Cross his arms (I know, “cross” his arms—kinda funny) and put a couple of halakadollars on his eyes.  Whoops… on his eye, and charge people a nickel to get a look at the bastard before the Navy dumps him, unceremoniously, into the sea (or maybe the Hudson River.  See, I didn’t forget you New Yorkers!)

     So, speaking of burying him at sea, I like to imagine that somewhere down there, under the sea, is a rotting corpse thinking to himself “WTF did I start with those Americans all those years ago?  Note to self: next time take on the French or the Spanish, at least we know that they’ll give up after a couple of weeks.”  So, here is my rendition (haha—sorry) of UBL singing that classic song from Disney’s “The Little Mermaid,”  “Under The Sea.”  You can play the original song for background.

People listen to me

The human world it’s a mess

But life under the sea ain’t better than

anything they’ve got up there.

The hummus is always better
On somebody else's plate
You dream of your own compound
But that is a big mistake
Enjoy the cave you’ve haunted
Be happy you’re nothing more
When you’re number one wanted
It’s you that they’re lookin' for!

Under the sea
Under the sea
People it's better
Not where it's wetter
Take it from me
Up in the caves they plan all day
For a terrorists’ ballet
Meanwhile I’m sittin’
Time’s unremitting
Under the sea

Up in the caves they ain’t happy
They cryin’ for their moms
In the caves they getting’ slappy
They sad 'cause they getting bombed
But fish on the list ain’t lucky
They in for a worser fate
One day the U.S. find you
SEALs take you on a one-way date

Under the sea
Under the sea
Nobody hears me
Crabs even eat me
Under the sea
When my life the SEALs they took
Now infidels are off the hook
They got no troubles
I’m outta bubbles
Under the sea
Under the sea

Now we retreat here
We getting beat here
Naturally

Their guns you can’t dismiss
Them Navy SEALs they never miss
They got the spirit
I constantly hear it
Under the sea

We shoot & we scoot
The SEALs have the wheels
They capture our guys
No court of appeals
The spies in disguise
They poured on a board
Guantanamo’s on a roll!
(Yeah)

The CIA plays
The detainee sings
The troops movin’ out
Their planes got the wings
The SEALs are all that
They know where it's at
An' oh that safehouse blows!

Under the sea
Under the sea
I smell like sardines
Here come the Marines
It's like we’re just fleas
What do we got? A lot of sand
They got the US Marine Corps band
Each little clam here
Treats me like ham here
Under the sea
Each little fish here
Makes me a dish here
Under the sea
Each little snail here
Calls me a failure
That's why I’m rotting
Instead of plotting
I’m outta luck here
Sitting in muck here
Under the sea

 

Harrumph…