“G”
Section has been conducting experiments on cloning, regeneration of tissue, and
resistance to aging in order to produce superior combat soldiers to employ
against the ChiComs, mimes, and other enemies.
As one of our first experiments, we attempted to clone the Chicago film
critics, Gene Siskel & Roger Ebert.
Unfortunately, the experiment was a dismal failure and the cloned dead
Siskel & the cloned disease-racked Ebert have been kept in a broom closet
until just recently. They have been
released to give their opinion on the subject of the upcoming Harrumph File, M.
Night Sillyman’s films.
Cloned,
dead Siskel: “Welcome everyone to our
show. Tonight we’ll be discussing M.
Night Sillyman’s series of films and why they suck my dead, cloned ass.”
Cloned,
disease-racked Ebert: “Gene, it’s
really rather simple. Sillyman’s movies
suck ass because the storylines are lame.
I mean, plants attacking people?
Really? You know, if it was bees
or something I could understand, but plants?
Lame.”
Cloned,
dead Siskel: “I disagree, Roger. I would have to say one of the worst
elements of his films are his horrible cameos.
Who does this guy think he is, Hitchcock? C’mon Sillyman, come up with your own bit, don’t copy the
master.”
Cloned,
disease-racked Ebert: “I agree that his
cameo habit is annoying, but I’ve got to point out that storyline is what
counts. Think about it, Gene. If you had to act in a crappy film like
‘Signs,’ you’d become a raving lunatic just like Mel Gibson.”
Cloned,
dead Siskel: “Haha, good point
Roger. Well, let’s conclude tonight’s
show with two bony, death-like, thumbs down for Sillyman and his crappy
films. Join us again next time when
dead Siskel,”
Cloned,
disease-racked Ebert: “and,
disease-racked Ebert,”
Cloned,
dead Siskel: “are at the crappy
movies.”
Join cloned, dead Siskel & disease-racked Ebert in voting on this
week’s poll! Congratulations to MH of
Livermore, California, last week’s winner of a limited edition, special prize
button! She chose a “Rusty!”
No comments:
Post a Comment