After a harrowing journey through Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and Libya,
“Agent X” surfaced on a small raft off the northern coast of Africa. He is now resting in a hospital on the island
of Malta. Doctors say he has made a
full recovery. The following is an
excerpt of the debriefing interview he had with HARRUMPH intelligence agents.
*static* “HARRUMPH Intelligence division tape, Mediterranean
station: February 23rd, 0430 hours.”
*static*
Intelligence agent:
“Agent X, your radio reports seemed to be rather disjointed and well,
quite frankly, sounded like the ravings of a lunatic.”
Agent X: “Well, I’d like
to hear how you’d sound after being wrapped up like a mummy for 2 weeks
straight. Not to mention the fact that
after escaping from the Cairo Museum of Antiquities without loosing my mummy
head I was stranded in the desert for another 2 weeks.”
Intelligence agent:
“Tell us what you saw while in Cairo.”
Agent X: “It was really
something. People in the street… protesting,
having bar-be-ques, putting flowers in tank barrels. Really something. Kinda
reminded me of Kent State, especially after the security forces rode camels
into the crowd. Man, they stomped the
s*#t outta them”
Intelligence agent: “How
did you escape from the Cairo museum and get away from the rioters that broke
in and caused all that damage?”
Agent X: “Wow, I really
thought my head was their next soccer ball when I saw them kick the first mummy
head off. Ummm…”
A second, different voice:
“Go ahead son, tell us what happened.”
Agent X: “Well, it got
kinda weird.”
The second voice: “We’re
listening.”
Agent X: “I don’t know…”
Intelligence agent:
“Agent X, I don’t need to remind you that this is your official
report. We need the truth. Don’t hold anything back or you could be
charged under Section C, paragraph 4 of the HF publication 7110.65, ‘Robert’s
Rules for Sliding Scale Punishments,’ also known as ‘The Matrix.’”
Agent X: “I don’t know… *sobbing
sound* I don’t…”
Intelligence agent: “Tell
us! Tell us now dammit! You know the waterboard is in the next room!”
Agent X: “Alright! It was the Sphinx! Hahahaha! I knew it all
along! It was the Sphinx and his Chinese
cohorts! He was following me everywhere! I’ve got to get away, he’s
here! Don’t you see him! Don’t you see…” *sounds of struggling, chairs breaking, handcuffs being applied
and wild gibbering*
The second voice: “Get
him out of here. He’s no use to us now.”
*static* “HARRUMPH
Intelligence division tape, Mediterranean station: February 23rd, 0442 hours. Interview ends” *static*
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