“Good afternoon. The ghost of Walter Cronkite here, reporting once again from the
undisclosed HARRUMPH bunker site, well equipped with end-of-the-world supplies,
including the world-famous "great wall of ammunition," miniature
grenade range, and ping-pong table. I’m
here today to conclude our interview of Mr. H.A. Rrumph, resident Evil Genius
in Charge.”
“Mr. Rrumph, we ended the first half of
this interview discussing your plans to take over the world. I understand the goal but what of the
method? How, exactly do you intend to
conquer the globe?”
“Well, Walter, I wouldn’t be much of an
evil genius if I told you and, by extension, the anti-evil forces that are
arrayed against me, the exact methods we will use. However, the poll does give you a hint. As you can see by answer number 3, we intend to use an excellent
selection of weapons. Chief among these
being: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to
taking over the world.”
“Yes, I do believe you have already
employed ‘ruthless efficiency’ in your current campaign against the Chinese.”
“If you’re referring to the long lines of
ChiComs we’re marching into the sea near Shanghai and Hong Kong, I really can’t
comment other than to say that they are communists and I am an
evil genius, so get over it.”
“I also notice that you refer to your
opponents, which consist of government police and intelligence forces as
‘anti-evil.’ Since you are the head of
an evil organization, wouldn’t they be, by definition, ‘good guys?’”
“Frankly, no. It is true that I am the EGiC of an evil organization. But do you actually believe that the CIA and
their cronies in the Egyptian intelligence services are the good guys
here? I mean, I am the one
conducting the war against the ChiComs, the true face of evil in the
world. And how about the BATF? There’s a bunch of Nazis if I ever heard of
‘em.”
“Hmmm,
good point. I never thought of
that. Well, this concludes our
interview. Thank you Mr. Rrumph and
good luck. This
is the ghost of Walter Cronkite, and that’s the way it is here at HARRUMPH.”
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