Once
again, the HARRUMPH Intelligence division has received a signal from “Agent X,”
formerly of MI6, now somewhere in the Middle East. The following transcript was recorded by one of our listening
posts in the Mediterranean.
*static*
“HARRUMPH Intelligence division tape, Mediterranean monitoring station:
February 17th, 0430 hours, sector PBK.”
*static*
“I
had another dream last night. I was
hiding in back alleys and behind garbage dumpsters. I knew I was being hunted.
At first, I thought the Sphinx was after me again, but I was wrong. It was the camels… or the ghosts of camels
that I had tagged. I couldn’t get away
from them. They were stalking me,
hunting me… hunting me like a wild animal… or an animal in a very large zoo
without any cages. Then I realized… the
horror. It hit me like a diamond
bullet. Like a diamond bullet right
between my eyes. I realized that they
were the eggmen, I was the camel, goo goo g’joob.”
*static*
-unintelligible- *static*
“I
have now been lost in the desert for two weeks. I had thought that I could follow the Sphinx back to his lair,
but he eluded me. He eluded me and all
the street signs were written in Chinese.
Note to self: the Sphinx is very, very crafty. Learn Chinese.”
“I
couldn’t find my way back… back to the future.
Now the desert stretches as far as you can see in all directions. I am in the exact center of it. People say the desert is hot. They are wrong. The desert is not hot; it is extremely hot. Then, it began to snow. I knew I was saved; the snow felt cool on my
skin. Soon, I was completely covered by
snow. I was a snowman in the middle of
the desert. It was then that I was discovered
by a Bedouin family. They offered me an
Oreo cookie. I told them they were
fools; didn’t they know snowmen don’t eat cookies, they eat human souls. Now I am on the back of a camel riding to
the coast. I’d walk a mile to get off
of this camel…”
*static*
“HARRUMPH Intelligence division tape, Mediterranean monitoring station:
February 17th, 0437 hours, sector PBK.
Transmission ends.” *static*
Wow, "this is your brain on drugs"
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