So, I want to
know more about this straw pole in Iowa.
What’s up with that? Why is
there a straw pole in Iowa and why is the media making such a big deal about
it? There are politicians running
around like chickens with their heads cut off and stuffing hot dogs into their
mouths like Oscar Mayer® is going out of business on Monday.
And, I want to
know why this pole is made out of straw anyway? Hasn’t anyone learned their lesson? Doesn’t anyone read anymore?
You have to make things out of brick to be safe from the big, bad
wolf. You can’t even use sticks, much
less straw, to make wolf-proof things.
And how do you make a pole out of straw anyway? Would a straw pole be
strong enough for a sizeable firefighter to slide down? And what about straw splinters? A firefighter can’t hold a fire hose with a
hand-full of painful straw splinters, ouch!
Now, I
understand that “back in the day” they had to use straw to make things like
roofs for houses, mattress fillings, and maybe they had to use it for poles
back then too. But nowadays we make our
poles out of steel, or fiberglass, or even PVC. Any of these things are much better than straw. Is there a PVC shortage in Iowa? Perhaps they just don’t have a wolf problem
in Iowa, or it’s like some kind of weird medieval festival gone wrong or
something.
I just don’t get
it. It’s not like supply trucks don’t
drive into Iowa with loads of steel and fiberglass. Heck, they might even have an airport or two that real
jets fly into. Now, I know that the
“retro-look” is big right now, but has Iowa turned into a gigantic Amish-like
community or something?
Why make poles
out of straw? I can’t figure this one
out. Poles made out of…(voice from
off-page.) …Yes, I know, they’re made
of straw (off-page voice again.) No, I
don’t know why when they’ve got access to technology (once again, off-page
voice.) What? P-O-L-L? A straw poll, not a straw pole? Well, yes, that makes much more
sense…ummm…(off-page voice.) Well, no
my notes did not make that clear (off-page voice.) No, I do not deserve to move to “Dunder-head City,” I don’t even
think that’s a real city anyway (off-page voice.) What? The audience? Oh yeah, never mind. Harrumph…
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