Musings from the, perhaps slightly touched, mind of the leading social commentator of our time.


Please leave comments on the posts below by clicking on the time stamp or "comment" link next to it at the bottom of each post.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Harrumph File #079 07.31.2011_ Carnies & Carnivals In General (Official Harrumph Files alert…this is not a test.)

     There’s one phrase in the English language that is sure to bring fear, trepidation, panic, and nightmares to every parent who hears it.  Yes, you know it and I know it, and every parent out there dreads hearing it from their children: “Mom, dad… the carnival’s in town!”  You may remember saying it to your parents yourself when you were just a wee tike many moons ago.  You didn’t know it then, but you surely know now what a fine line you walked between this world & the next as you entered that big top.
     You see, children just remember fun things like popcorn, cotton candy, elephants trumpeting, trapeze artists, and fun houses where they can look at themselves in mirrors stretched out one way or another.  You, as a parent, see the other things.  You see behind the scenes.   You see the hidden side of the carnival; the dark side; the evil side.  You see the clowns for what they truly are.  You see the carnies, chain smoking “camels” into an early grave.  You recognize that that elephant in the center ring is not just a happy creature bringing joy to crowds of spectators but is actually a time bomb waiting… plotting… for the perfect moment to explode into a human-crushing rampage.
     That’s right, what I’m saying is that carnivals and circus’s are devices of the devil, peopled with freaks and rejects, feeding off of the innocence of children and the weakness of parents for their own prosperity.  Children don’t understand the danger of lions and clowns.  Children trust that snake charmers and elephant handlers actually know what they’re doing.  Excuse me, when was the last time you saw an ad for “elephant handler school?”  Do lion tamers have a framed certificate on their wall from the “Lion Tamer Academy (a Phoenix program)?”  No, they don’t.  And, you know, parents can only hear their child say “I wanna go to the circus, I wanna go to the circus, I wanna go to the circus” so many times before they just give up and take them.
Clowns & carnies...jeeze!
     And what about the carnies?  Who are these people?  We know what they want.  They don’t just want our money (which they do,) they want our children.  Their “I’m gonna run away and join the circus” ad campaign was very successful in the 60’s & 70’s.  They “target” our children with their yummy popcorn swimming in oily butter (which, by the way, leaves permanent stains in minivan seat covers,) fried “anythings-on-a-stick,” cotton candy which miraculously melts in your mouth, hot dogs literally made of dogs, and the Pièce de résistance, square bricks of pink popcorn… drool….
     These people are evil, make no mistake about it.  They want everyone to “run away” to the circus, this way they can sift the freaks out for more sideshow attractions and turn the rest of the unfortunate creatures they capture into… more carnies.  They don’t care about the future of mankind at large.  They only care about their future.  They envision a day when big-top circus tents cover the globe!  They don’t want us to go to Margaritaville, they want us to go to Carneyville.
            Or perhaps it is more insidious than that.  Perhaps they don’t believe in the future of mankind at all.  After all, carnies are barely human as it is.  Remember, it was Armando, circus owner in “Escape From The Planet Of The Apes” which brought down… errr, which will bring down human civilization and will lead to the rise of the planet of the apes back in 1971!  A planet where apes evolved from men?  I think not!  I echo George Taylor as he said so eloquently in the original “Planet Of The Apes” (not the crappy remake,) “Get your stinking paws off me you damned dirty carney!”  Harrumph…

No comments:

Post a Comment