Harrumph File #072 06.12.2011_Only You Can Prevent Wildfires?

     We all remember him.  Smokey Bear, that loveable forest creature that warned us that “Only you can prevent forest fires.”  He would show us, in comic book format, the horrors of carelessness with fire while camping or hiking.  The devastation caused by a single match or a smoldering cigarette.  And all the time he was teaching us, he was also entertaining us with coloring books, comics, buttons and other cool little items handed out by uniformed park rangers wearing cool “Smokey Bear” hats and official looking badges signifying their authority as well as their expertise.  Of course, hidden deep within the psyche of each child as he or she colored in the running forest animals and the raging fire destroying their homes was the idea that a large, hulking bear waited somewhere out there to assign blame for the devastating fire and, quite possibly, rip the face off of said offender… because only YOU can prevent forest fires so therefore, perhaps only YOU should have your face ripped off if you’re some kid playing with matches while you’re out camping. *shiver*  Now I finally know how my fear of bears originated.

Hero, or Destroyer of Worlds? You decide.

     So anyway, Smokey Bear threatened his way through the second half of the 20^th century with the same time-tested message of “Only you can prevent forest fires” rather successfully. Children acquired such a deep-seated fear of Smokey coming into their bedroom at night and ripping their faces off that numbers of fires dropped off dramatically.  However, recently an interesting development has occurred.  Smokey doesn’t warn us that only we can prevent forest fires anymore.  Apparently only we can prevent wildfires now.  Wildfires?  What the heck happened here?  Did grasses and shrubberies suddenly become jealous of forests and lobby congress to make the change?  Or perhaps some modern age Forest Service Chief has grown up so twisted in today’s politically correct environment that he forced the change on unwilling rangers (and bears.)  What’s next, changing the name of the U.S. Forest Service to the U.S. Wild Service?  *sigh* now I know where my fear of liberals originated.

     I mean, do the “PC” police think that people are so stupid nowadays that they have to lead them down every single path throughout their lives?  You know, that 50 year old who grew up in the 60’s (acquiring a healthy fear of bears) driving through the prairies isn’t gonna think that tossing his cigarette butt out the window is ok because “Smokey didn’t say anything about dry shrubberies and grasslands.”

     Mr. Forest (soon to be Wild) Service Chief, learn a lesson from history.  Don’t mess with success.  When you’ve got a winning formula, stick with it.  Changing your message after 60 years of triumph is foolhardy.  It would be like the Coca-Cola Company changing the formula for coke… that would be totally stupid!  And you don’t see other cartoon characters changing their slogans.  Would Bugs Bunny stoop to say some thing like: “What is going on, doctor?”  Would Porky Pig say “Btee, btee, btee, that is all, audience?”  Could you imagine Wile E. Coyote holding up a sign that says “Please render assistance” instead of a simple “Help!” just before he falls a thousand feet off a cliff?  Or would Donald Duck be caught dead saying something other than “#&%@#*%!!!!!!”  NO!!!

            I hereby call on the U.S. Forest Service to restore Smokey Bear to his previous greatness.  Don’t force him to carry too many torches (so to speak.)  Come up with a new, interesting, and threatening animal to promote grassland and shrubbery fire prevention (how about a badger, or maybe a naked mole rat?)  Give a hoot—don’t dilute!  Help take a bite outta mimes!  Remember people, when it comes to the PC police, only YOU can prevent their desires!  Call or write the U.S. Forest Service now and join the campaign to put Smokey back in the forest where he belongs!!!  Harrumph…